so many things have happened lately. so many changes. ive moved. looking for a new job still, pickd up a new romance.
so my romance... corey and i have been into each other for the last two years. he makes me smile and helps me deal with my issues. now we are planning a future together, a serious future. he is the person i shouldve been with all along. he is a graphic artist, has his own business, he is very smart, open and caring. so im going into this with no fear or doubts. im trying to be openminded. i dont want to taint this relationship with everything ive done in the past. im changing so i dont screw up something that has the potential to be great & utterly life changing.

my hormones r outta whack this week. thats y i beat myself up so much. pay me no attention until next wednesday when im back to normal

ithings n my life have been really crappy and bad lately. everything that has happened is because of choices that ive made. i wont be blessed until i change my ways. i kno that and understand that. @ this very moment am involved in a sordid sexual relationship w/ a person who is clearly not meant for me. i keep screwing up, trying to get right then screwing up again. i hate what i am, who i am, many of the things ive done and then some. i have strayed so far from God that i truly feel worthless @ times. im @ my bottom. and cant tell which way is up.

we faxed my resume in conway, ar yesterday morning. they called back yesterday evening.. wtf! been looking for a job all month and WHAM!! so i called today saying i need to fill out an app and as soon as i can get moved its on!!! yay me!!! im so ready to put sum miles between me & T. we never need to b together again. he is supposed to cum by this wkend, but idk if i want to see him. havent seen him since may 22 when i found out his lyin ass has ANOTHER BABY! wtf??? a baby thats like 5 months younger than mine. niggas wonder y they cant get a straight up bitch... ITS CUZ YALL AINT KEEPIN IT 100 WITH US DAMMIT!!! ill never let myself get that close to another mf again, im making that promise to myself. id rather b a slut and b happy, then b committed and miserable. luv ya!

no one in my family has ever had to walk in my shoes. has never gone through my struggles. maybe my mother and my cousin. no one in my family who lives within walking distance has ever had to give up some p**** to keep the bills paid cuz your check dont cover the bills and ur man ainy bout shit. where i come from we hustle, sell dope, braid hair....solicit.. never sold dope, dont braid hair anymore. thats what ive always done to get what i want. i use what i got. non single parents have no idea what its like to be a single parent. we dont set out to be that way, it sometimes just happens. and no one ever understands the choices we make... our situations are so hard. we might have degrees, maybe not. we might fuck for a buck... things happen. we may leave the kids @ home while we work cuz we cant afford to feed, cloathe, shelter & pay child care for them. but when ur money goes to all these other things... ur unfit cuz u left them alone, trying to make life better. im so tired of life and the people in it. [[E